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Old Men August 9, 2008

Filed under: News of the Weird — latteaddiction @ 3:04 am
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So I had to write today, as I had remembered what had happened to me yesterday and knew I had to blog about it. I realized after visting my dentist again – the 3rd week in a row – that I had to stop at my local neighborhood grocery store for some specialty items…

I slowly made my way through the store looking at the exhorbiant prices. I saw a fly fluttering nearby and vowed not to stick my hand into the little plastic dome as so many before me had with unclean bathroom hands. But, I thought to myself, “I’m sure my desk at work is worst”. So with that I dug my hand deep into the back of the plastic dome and chowed down on the funny white cheese that gave me a strong and pungent aftertaste. “Why did I like cheese so much?” I thought to myself.

I proceeded to pick up my olives, sundried tomatoes, and even sauntered by the dessert section but decided against it, feeling guilty for not going to the gym for 2 weeks. As I gazed at the old man in front of me in line, I thought to myself, “older people must come here because someone still bags their groceries for them.” “What will I do when I’m old?”

The cashier knew him as Tony. “Tony, how many times a day do come in here?” she said. He explained, “Ohhhh, once for lunch and sometimes for groceries”. They proceeded to talk.

How come I always get caught behind the chatty ones? Perhaps I should stop coming here if I want to make a quick stop? Afterall, this is the second time I’ve been caught in line. Tony left and the cashier rung up my items. “$28.34 please… thank you.”

As I left the grocery store making my way toward my car, I noticed Tony walking back toward the store. I thought to myself, “wow, he’s going in again?” Tony passed me by 100 feet when out of the corner of an earshot I heard a loud fart “thhhpppp”. I smiled to myself and looked to the girl in my right corner, making sunglass eye contact, wondering if she too had heard the loud fart. I think she did as she had the same grin as I.

I wondered if Tony even heard himself. They say that old people fart a lot. I guess they are right.

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Moods August 1, 2008

Filed under: News of the Weird — latteaddiction @ 1:43 am
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As you can tell, I haven’t quite felt like writing lately. I’ve been reading a lot of news and posting to www.thisnext.com as a self-challenge. Haven’t taken that much time to think. Oh, and I joined the local gym so I could lose that fat. Summer has been all but eventful.

Recently, my girlfriend came to visit from Los Angeles. She’s part of the family, and so it was just like a family member. One evening we decided to go to my parents house for pizza . My girlfriend, a die hard Democrat, my parents die hard Repubs. My father is on heart medication for congestive heart failure. You’d never know – his temper flares from this medication – for which I often wonder if they are just prescribing, not really knowing what he needs. Anyway, my girlfriend brought up politics…duh, duh, duh, duh. Dad went over the roof, preaching and lecturing and yelling. My girlfriend, mom and I all stared at each other, like what the hell? If you’ve ever been around someone on heart medication, you may know I’m speaking of.

Later that evening, at the dinner table, dad was talking a lot of “smack”. Mom, myself and girlfriend T listened to him talk about people being pre-diabetic and how they needed to take Flax Oil to cure themselves like the younger “Bush”. OMG. We laughed…and said, “if George Bush takes it, I don’t want anything to do with it – it clearly isn’t helping him!” 

Dad proceeded to tell us how they serve a certain kind of pie at church lunches to ward off diabetes. Roaring, we said “no wonder there are so many crazy people in the church!” He told us how he occasionally has been short on sugar in his system. We started to talk about people we had gone to high school with. Dad explained that he knew someone we had graduated with and also knew her younger brother. This kid had been in a bad car accident at age 18 and had to live the rest of his life in a wheel chair.

If you knew my mom and dad, you’d understand the humor in that my mom said in her Canadian accent, “Oooh, so he’s a vegetable?”. Which, at that point my dad exclaimed, “no, he’s not a vegie”. We burst out in tears crying with laughter because my husband, being from Southeast Asia, mixes his “V’s” and “W’s”. So when we heard “vegie”, all we could hear was “wegie”.

 

Poop Newz June 19, 2008

Filed under: News of the Weird — latteaddiction @ 3:14 am
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Did you know that a web site really exists called www.poopreport.com ?

Yep

It exists

Everything you would want to know about Crop Dusting, Poop Culture, Toilet Paper, Intellectual Crap and the like.

 

Another Day in Paradise

Filed under: News of the Weird — latteaddiction @ 3:08 am
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I had the most surreal out of body experience today at work. I was to meet some co-workers in the cafe to talk and share hot-gossip. I arrived late to the lunch because I had a major female emergency. When I arrived in the cafe (the second time), I searched for my co-workers, when I spy’d one team member off in the distance. I was discombobulated because I didn’t recognize anyone at first glance.

 

As I walked toward the table of 12 plus people, I still had no idea who was at the table but my three friends. As I sat down at the table I recognized a former boss and waved. Immediately, the large man on my left introduced himself and his co-worker to my left as his assistant. Still trying to figure out who the remaining people were at the table, I sat with perma-grin on my face as the other’s talked. I sat back for a moment and felt like I was at a Desi party (mentioned in previous posts) and had no damn idea what they were talking about in Hindi/Urdu.

 

Anyway, I felt very out of place and and tried to take in the conversations and laughter at one time. The obese man that introduced himself was of importance in the Sales organization. With tan rubbery skin, bright blue eyes and a deep, bellowing voice, he was bellowing about his stint as a karoke singer in his kitchen, naked with shaving cream on his face (ugh). He explained that he was dancing and singing naked when he broke his toe on his granite countertop. The group laughed, probably out of disbelief, and proceeded to talk about gay people and the like. I admit, I was disgusted that these were so-called professional people were talking like they had known all of us since grade school. I think I’m still in disbelief.

 

Before the group left the female Sales Director proceeded to hug my co-workers and not me. We had not worked for her in over three months. I admit I wasn’t her closest friend. I think she knew I didn’t look up to her and her fake veneers, fake hair extensions, fake boobs, fake nails and fake tan. I was actually surprised that she had wrinkles. She proceeded to talk to my co-worker about tanless sunbathing…for which I thought was awfully immature, but that’s just me. Then again, she was talking to a 27 year old that’s had four plastic surgeries. I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised!

 

Once they left, I admit I felt 100% better and realized that my decision not to become a sales person was the best decision I had ever made!